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ItalianoBefriending Jealousy
| I’m on a journey of improving my relational intelligence. I’ve come to realise that one of the key ingredients in this process is shifting my relationship with jealousy—an emotional reaction that has become increasingly common both within me and around me as I’ve entered polyamorous relationships. There’s a connotation that jealousy is bad and something to avoid. We’re often criticised or minimised when we experience it, and many people pride themselves on “never feeling jealous,” speaking as if they’re above those who do. I grew up in a Christian household where we were taught that envy, the sibling of jealousy, is a deadly sin. Because of this, it wasn’t until two years ago that I could consciously identify jealousy in myself; all prior experiences were suppressed or denied. When we’re in a negative or painful relationship with something, we push it away or try to create distance. Yet the thing we try to avoid often lingers over our shoulder—we never truly get rid of it. If I’m never getting rid of jealousy, then I might as well befriend it. How? I don’t have the full answer yet, but I do have part of it: you try to understand it and look for what’s good about it. In essence, you reverse the automatic “push away” reaction and choose to get closer instead. Today I’m choosing to explore the positive aspects of jealousy—both when it shows up within me and when it’s expressed by others. Here are the questions I’m asking myself to help uncover the good within jealousy: - If everything in the universe has a purpose or function, what is the role of jealousy? - If jealousy didn’t exist, what would we be missing out on? - If jealousy had a message, what would it be? - If jealousy had a gift, what would it be? - In what ways is jealousy happening for me? - What’s good about our partners, friends, or family expressing jealousy? - How are my relationships better off because jealousy exists? What would we miss out on if it never got expressed? - If jealousy had a secret mission to improve relationships, how would it carry that out? And now, the list of positive aspects of jealousy: - When I experience jealousy, it often points to a threat of losing something. That fear of loss shows me what I deeply value, need, and desire. - Jealousy reveals what is good, meaningful, and nourishing in my life. With that awareness, I can access appreciation. - Jealousy shows me where I need more stability and consistent nourishment—it highlights the good things I may need in greater supply. - It helps me recognise the ingredients I need in order to create a life where I thrive. - It prompts me to make changes or take action toward what I want. - It gives me the chance to deepen intimacy with myself by highlighting wounds of lack. I get to offer love, care, and compassion to those tender places, strengthening my relationship with myself. - When someone I love expresses jealousy, I can see it as proof that they find my presence valuable. It makes me feel appreciated and shows that I hold an important role in their life. - Jealousy gives me an opportunity to increase my self-esteem—both by revealing where I feel insecure and by highlighting what others value about their bond with me. - When a loved one expresses jealousy, they’re showing their human, vulnerable self—which signals a level of safety and trust with me. - Their jealousy can reveal a part of them that wants deeper connection with me. - When a loved one expresses jealousy, it gives me permission to express those tender parts of myself as well, allowing more authenticity and vulnerability in the relationship. - Another person’s jealousy reflects the depth of their emotional investment in our relationship. - Their jealousy gives me information about their important needs, and about what aspects of the relationship they value most. This information helps us make conscious choices that create more stability, nourishment, and security. We get to create more of what we both want and need. - In relationships, jealousy acts like an alarm bell letting us know there’s a need to develop a deeper, more secure bond—with the other person and with ourselves. These are the positives of jealousy I’ve been able to identify so far. If you’re reading this and have more to add—I’d love to hear them. |
Identifying the positive aspects of jealousy
Tillagd 4 dec 14:43 Guider, tips och instruktioner #Egenupplevt #Relationer/kärlek #psykologi #svartsjuka #poly #självutveckling #personligutveckling
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